A very "sparkly" 30 days end.

You know, I tell people all the time that I need a sense of accomplishment in my life. Mom's everywhere understand this. When everything you do all day is immediately undone and needs to be redone, you can easily work yourself to the point of utter exhaustion and have almost ZERO sense of accomplishment. Some days I actually have the perspective that allows me to see what the house and the children would have looked like without my constant intervention, and I get a bit of satisfaction from that.  But, preventing the house from exploding is not exactly something you can stand back and look at. It's not the type of thing you can hold up to other people, "Look what I did today! Everyone's alive and the house is still standing!!"

I used to work in Coffee Shops back in the day and I loved the sense of accomplishment I got from that.  *Sigh* I remember taking that one last look at the empty store at the end of the day. All signs of wear and use were washed away. Counters sparkled. Floors shined. The window on the pastry case had not a single finger print. It's like going to my "happy place" to remember what that was like... Yes, I'm a dork. I know. The thing is that I can't imagine life without my four crazy little mess makers now. I wouldn't trade them for a sparkly counter top any day. But, I still go searching for the sense of accomplishment I used to get from working. It's a conundrum for sure. (Can I stop here and mention that it gives me great satisfaction that I have used that word twice today.) Well, I have found the illusive sense of accomplishment in my art work. It is there that I can devote myself to something that, when done, can be... well... done. I hang my creations out of reach or keep them tucked away in books or in drawers or in the garage, and every now and then I steal little peaks at them and feel immensely happy that I can have my cake and eat it too.  I can have the joy of my little tornado children and that feeling of a "job well done" all at once. It is even more wonderful than a clean closed coffee shop, because my little pieces of art, however imperfect, have so much of me in them.  I can't even explain that. People ask me all the time how I do the art thing with 4 babies, and the first thing that always pops into my head is, "how can I not?" Where else do I get that sense of accomplishment?  Because, I think we are all wired to want to feel like we are doing something that will eventually get done... at least on some level. Aren't we?

Anyway, this 30 day art challenge was fabulous for me. I admit it took me about 32 days instead of 30. but, it got done, and the sketchbook my friend gave me at the beginning of the year actually has pictures in it now. Taylor Bug and Charlotte want to draw all the time now too. Happiness. :) I even drew a bit today, though I didn't have to. I didn't really even think about it, but it used to be such a chore to force myself to try and draw something. Now it's just something I do most days. It may not always be, but I'm ok with that because in just one month I learned a lot about myself, and about drawing. (For example, it is much easier to draw the things you like - coffee etc... than the things you don't - horses *creepy shiver*) I am also glad, because this is one of the first times in my life that I have ever set a reasonable goal for myself and followed it through to completion. While New Years resolutions seem like a good idea, they generally are nothing but guilt in the making. 30 day resolutions, however, are much more practical and attainable. I seriously feel like I can do anything now... 30 blogs in 30 days... Finish reading the 10 books I've started in 30 days... Keep up with the laundry for 30 days... This may very well become my new mantra. Though, right now, I guess I should just focus on getting better. The plague has come to our house and it is very lame. All my babies except Colby are miserable with coughs and fevers, and I have it too, which makes me a pretty lousy caretaker. We literally spent all day today on the couch with instant netflix and rentals. Quite possibly tomorrow will be the same too. As soon as we are on the mend though, I may just dive back into another challenge. I shall keep you posted.

Oh, and it got to be a bit too much to try to upload pictures here and there every week... If anyone hasn't seen the full set of pictures just go to "Pam Fraley's Art" on Facebook and look in the 30 drawings in 30 days album.

Pushing through

      This drawing thing is kicking my butt. I would probably help if I didn't wait till the last part of the day to do it, but I have to focus on it so much that I don't really try when the babies are awake. I'm glad I decided to challenge myself though. I think I needed this. I have posted a few pictures that I don't like - and I've decided it's good for me. I like perfection and I am not perfect. It's just good to let it be what it is,  let other people see the things I'm not proud of, you know? Its ok to walk out the door every now and then with messy hair - I did that yesterday. Post some pictures you aren't uber proud of. It's good for you. And, it's kinda anti-climactic too. I'm all a mess because I'm putting up a drawing that is "just one big flaw" and everyone is like, "Wow, that's cool." My conversations with Scott about his music make much more sense now...

Me: Wow. That was really good.
Him: Really? The whole set?
Me: Yea. It was awesome.
Him: You noticed when I hit the wrong note the second time through the 3d song - on that one part, though?
Me: Whaa? No.
Him: You didn't hear that?! It was pretty obvious.
Me: Shaking my head, trying to remember anything vaguely wrong. And... nothing. Nope.

      Another thing -  I find myself having to work through problems. I have never committed to showing people a finished product on a daily basis, so now when I start something and it starts looking wrong, I just have to figure it out. What I normally do is just get frustrated and rip that page out of my book... It's actually boosting my confidence. Imagine that. I don't give up in frustration because I have to post a picture and, so far, this ridiculous thing is all I've got. I just need to look harder, see better and figure it out. It is not easy. Our eyes play tricks on us. When you draw, you have to see past that. I think it was my high school art teacher who always said, "Draw what you see, not what you know is there." I know she has five fingers on that hand, but I can only see 2 and a bit of one other - so that's what I need to draw. There are little square shingles all over that roof, but because of the way the light hits, I can't see them all. We see shadows here and there... hints of things that we know are there and our mind fills in the rest. It is hard to draw like that. I'm working on it though. Anyway, here's the next set...

LIFE

Today I saw a video that threw my whole day off. You have probably heard about or seen it as well. It is by an organization called "Invisible Children". The movie is disturbing and powerful, moving, and hopeful. It is about the plight of children in Uganda. Just so everyone is clear... I know ALMOST NOTHING about the organization behind this. I don't know how well they spend their money. I don't know about their affiliations or how they have conducted themselves over the past decade.  In fact, a couple of red flags about this particular group have cropped up as their video has gone viral and it is worth reading about. Here's one article  and Here's another. Anybody these days can make a well put together video and I would always advocate looking deeper before letting a well done 30 minute movie  open your wallet to a group you know nothing more about.
That said, I am glad that these stories are being told. It may be a bit late. It may be overly simplistic about both the problem and the solution, but it gets us out of our world a bit. Lets be discerning, but lets also be aware and sympathetic.
Five days after I graduated high school (back in 1999) I went to Nepal for 2 months. I was astounded as my view of "poverty" grew to a depth I couldn't imagine. I came home changed and admittedly more than a little disgusted at American ideas of "needs" and "rights". This years "occupy movement" was hard for me to stomach because I feel like I have seen the "99%" and we aren't it. I was reminded afresh of this just days ago when Scott and my's close friend came home from a trip to India.There are people out there who are suffering under the burden of an existence without even the basic and inherent human rights - not the petty rights that a lot of the Western World whines about - but, rights like those of the children in Uganda. I'm talking about the rights that we founded this country on - life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. There are many people all over the globe who have little to no freedom. They are afraid and unable to pursue any sort of "happiness" such as career and family... Attacks on these rights take many faces: human trafficking, slavery, genocide... and, if I am going to be any sort of activist, I will be an activist for human rights. I am in favor of the efforts people make to expose these things because I am staunchly pro-LIFE. I happen to believe that life is a scientifically definable fact. It is not the result of someone's decision. It just is. And, people like Kony need to be stopped as well as any others who feel it is their prerogative to decide who is worthwhile and who is not. The postmodern mantra that claims "there is no absolute truth" is no where to be seen on Facebook and Twitter today while people furiously #Kony2012 hoping to make a difference. This tells me that we DO, in fact,  have an innate sense of right and wrong. We have a powerful sense of injustice that rises up in the face of such images.  Deep down we all feel that human life should be defended. That feeling rose up in me today too. And, though I was struggling with a dirty house and noncooperative children, I wanted to hug them all a little tighter today as I was reminded what our world has become. God help us if we stop valuing and standing up for LIFE.

The first week - Plus one

Here they are... The first 8 pictures of my 30 day challenge. I feel like I am getting into the groove again. I am making lines in my head all the time now and examining everything... EVERYTHING... as if I would be drawing it.  I'm trying to not go easy on myself too. I let myself get reacquainted with my pencil the first couple days and then it was down to business. I'm trying people in awkward positions (see day 7) because the human body is weird and beautiful and complicated and it is difficult to accurately capture it in strange positions. And, I am trying people who are recognizable (day 8) because then I have to really study them. What is it about Audrey's face that makes it Audrey? Maybe I didn't quite get her, maybe her eyes are too big and something is just a little off about her nose... but somewhere around the corner of her mouth I added a shadow, and all of a sudden she was there. That is Audrey. I found a tiny piece of her at least. Anyway, enjoy! If you have any suggestions for subject matter I am ready to consider them. 

If you want to see them better (I can't get the bird to not be sideways) go to my FB art page: Pam Fraley's Art. 

Remaking my clothes...

Okay, a couple years ago I was at Forever 21 during one of their ridiculous sales and I saw a rack with $3 t-shirts. They were just average looking, flimsy white, nothing too special, shirts but I bought 2 of them because they were cheap. I never really liked them all that much and I've been thinking about what to do with them ever since. Today, Colby fell asleep shortly after his 9am feeding and Taylor Bug and Jacks were playing together so well (jumping on the couch etc.) that I was actually able to get out my sewing machine. Yay! Scott got me a Singer Heavy Duty commercial grade machine for Christmas. I cried when I opened it.  Anyway, I found my two average white t-shits and went to work and thought I would post a tutorial here incase anyone else has some old shirts they want to have fun with.

Here's what I did...
First, I cut the neck off the shirt I wanted to use as my base (I just left that part unfinished). Then, because the shirt as a whole was too short for my taste, I cut about a 5in section off the bottom of the other shirt to attach to the bottom of the base shirt. I also cut several strips (about 1 or 2in wide) off the extra shirt to use as embellishments.

Next, I put the lengthening strip inside the bottom of the base shirt, matched the seams and pinned it. I guess it's kinda weird that I didn't cut the hem off the bottom of the base shirt, but I'm lazy and it ended up cute anyway. 

After pinning, I put my machine on a wide surger-type stitch and sewed the two pieces together.

This is the fun part... The embellishing! I wanted a long ruffle down the front of my shirt. In order to do this I upped the tension on my machine to the highest number and increased my stitch length to the longest it would go. This makes it so the fabric going through the machine automatically ruffles up. Just don't backstitch and be sure to leave yourself a LONG piece of thread on either end of your fabric. You will need the extra thread to spread your ruffles out because it will be very tightly bunched on the other side of the needle. To start, center the first strip of fabric under the presser foot and start sewing. When you get close to the end of that strip, overlap the next strip a bit and keep feeding it through. Attach as many pieces as you need till you have a long enough piece for your shirt.  I did a long piece and then a shorter one so I could have 2 ruffles.

Place the ruffles how you want to the front of your shirt with pins.

For an extra little embellishment use the collar you cut off the top of the shirt to make a flower. I put it through the machine on the high tension setting so it bunched up. Then, I just shaped it into a flower.

Return the machine to normal tension and stitch length settings. Sew your ruffles to the front of the shirt, being sure to backstitch this time so they don't come loose. It takes a little finesse to get the ruffles under the presser foot, so go slow. 

After the ruffles are done put your flower where you want and tack it down by hand with a needle and thread. I also attached a small square of cotton on top of the flower stitches inside my shirt with a bit of hot glue - just for some extra stability.

Voila! New Shirt.

For washing, I'll probably machine wash it inside out and just not put it in the dryer.

Here it is on me. I'm so happy. I got a fun new thing to wear without spending any money. My husband thought it was super cute too. He asked me where I bought it. Hee hee  :D

drawing again

So, I was telling Joelene today that I kind of let the medium I use dictate the style of my art. Paint is fluid, and when I paint I become a little more fluid myself. Pen and pencil are much more precise, so I become more precise. Because of this, my pencil drawings reflect a bit more of my perfectionism and the real everyday things I think are beautiful. When I paint, it is much more imagination and feeling.
The thing is... I haven't drawn in a long time. I'm not even sure where this "30 drawings in 30 days" idea came from because I have been much more preoccupied with crafting/painting lately. Anyway, It's been interesting. I feel like I am learning my craft again... figuring out how to hold a pencil again, and how to make a decent line. I guess it has been A LOT longer than I thought. The first 2 days were admittedly awkward. Since then I have been reaching into the recesses of my brain and beginning to remember the tools and tricks I used to know. Somewhere back in there I have stored away the methods to properly angle lines and make things proportionate. The hardest thing, though? I am fighting my old tendency to start detailing when I haven't got everything placed right. Gahhhh! It's so aggravating. You know, I think most people are actually pretty good with details. A good artist, though, gets everything laid out right before they dive into the details, because if they don't, they end up with a bunch of horribly proportioned details in the wrong place and it all just looks lame. I think that's actually one of my biggest flaws. I tend to do that with a lot of things. I focus in on one little detail of life and try to work it all out and get it just right, and then I step back and realize that it all has to be erased because the stupid thing was in the wrong spot. *sigh* What am I talking about? Priorities maybe? Oy. Somedays it seems like I have 100 priority #1's and I try to start plowing through them all and I realize that they were all more like #3 or 4 and I really should have been at work over in this other spot instead. Anyone else? :)
Well, anyhow, I have 2 more days of drawings till the first week will be posted. I'm glad I am using the time after all the babies are tucked in bed to challenge myself artistically. It's frustrating at times, but it is better, I think, than just submitting to the call of netflix and disengaging my brain every night.