Endings...

I guess I haven't blogged in a lot longer than I thought. Well, chalk it up to the "life" part because we have had a busy one. Charlotte has made it midway through kindergarten and somehow we made it back to school this week after letting whatever schedule we might have had slip away completely during Christmas break. I think it was the combination of not having to be somewhere at 8:30 mixed with a touch of sickness (Jacks + the flu) and the general holiday fuzz of family time, laughing, presents and food that swirl together in a mish-mash of happy unstructuredness.

We also have a new addition, which reminds me that I should probably change my profile pic to one of me not pregnant...Colby Donald Edward Fraley. Yes, his initials are CDEF, and no, we didn't realize that till after we chose his name. Colby means "coal town"  which is a sort of round about way of naming him after his birthplace. (Homer's nickname is "Coal Bay" because of the coal that washes up on our shores.) Donald Edward was Scott's papa's name and papa was very special to my husband so, there you go... CDEF. He came into our lives very early in the morning on Sept 27th (my dad and my husband's best friend's birthday). It was exactly 9 days late and one day before they threatened to force the issue. He is the most content and generally pleasant baby I have ever encountered. His typical expression is a smile. His cries are few and easily soothed and his laughs are sweet though still a bit rare. He strikes me as the very opposite of our little TaylorBug who feels everything to an extreme - whether happy or sad. He is not like Charlotte who is calculated and logical. Maybe at this point he is the most like Jacks who is generally sweet and good natured, but Colby is calm and something tells me his calmness wont wear off as much as Jacks' did. Jacks has turned into a little tornado of a boy - a happy one, but still a tornado. He is a ball of energy functioning at 2 speeds - on or off. He gets excited and has to find something to throw or jump on or jump off or run into and has actually become very athletic for a just turned 3 year old. His birthday was 4 days after Christmas and I am rejoicing to be moving swiftly past toddlerness as he can now communicate very well and is therefore frustrated less.

Colby, I think will be calm and even and steady. I could be wrong since he's only 3 months old, but he seems older. In fact, he has seemed that way since his birth. He came out protesting loudly as most babies do, but then he quieted down. Only a few hours later I remember one of the nurses with a thoughtful look on her face saying, "he seems older than a newborn." Yea, I can't quite put my finger on why that's true, but it is. Interesting how we used to talk in psychology class about the theory of babies being born a "blank slate" and made by society and environment. My babies have all been so completely different from Day 1 that the idea is laughable to me now.

 Anyway, we ended the year of 2011 by becoming a family of 6 and I love it.  What does 2012 have in store? A few decisions have already cropped up and the rest I don't know, but it feels like change... more than what we have already anticipated. And, change is something I have a pretty good sense of. As someone who has moved over 30 times in my 30 years I feel the shift in the wind, so to speak, quite easily. Not, that we are moving, or that I buy into the world ending bit. I just have that general squirmy discomfort - the kind that hits when you feel like you are outgrowing the things you have become comfortable with... even if you don't want to. I feel like it happens so much that me and the unknown are actually becoming friends a bit. It used to bother me more, but I'm learning God knows more than me - duh right? Most of the time when I try to plan I get redirected anyway.  Often it's to something better or even just... more... than what I would have gone for but then there is still the mess of recovering from unmet expectations. Besides, anticipation and "if" tend to want to become anxiety inside of me and I think I like it better to throw it all up to God with the trust that I can muster and let Him bring the whatever. This is new because I am a person who likes to know the end. But, I can let it go for now so, fly away happy end and be illusive. I think I will linger in the now and love my family and make bread, take care of the laundry and then I'll go to sleep. Today I will not fool myself into thinking I can catch you and turn you wherever I want. I won't waste sleep on you either. Who can afford to give that up when they have 4 babies?