Trust your heart...

           I can’t even count how many times I have heard this. It is one of our culture’s favorite slogans. And, it seeps into me as well. As a Christian, I should dismiss it as utter garbage. Really, as a basis for decision making, our hearts are horrible guides. I heard a Dee Brestin on the radio this week and she said something I have not stopped thinking about since. She said our hearts are “idol making factories”. It is not that we come to Christ and are immediately perfected. There is a process called sanctification where we learn how to deliver our flesh to the cross. It is a struggle. One that takes the power of God in us to overcome. While on this earth we have to keep our eyes fixed or they will wander. It is so easy for us to get distracted. Honestly, I feel like I forget about the battle sometimes. It is easy to think I make right decisions just because... well... I’m a Christian. It sounds incredibly self-righteous to word it that plainly, but I think it’s true. I say a quick prayer in the direction of what my heart wants and then go ahead and make the decision I wanted to. No searching out the will of God or returning to the Word or listening to sound council... What I have really done is followed my heart instead of my Lord. Right?  And, then we wonder where He is and why it all ended so wrong. Here is why...

Jeremiah 17:9
The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?

Genesis 4:7

...sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.

Psalm 40:12

For troubles without number surround me; my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see. They are more than the hairs of my head, and my heart fails within me.

Psalm 19:12

But who can discern their own errors? Forgive my hidden faults.

1Peter 5:8
Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

Our hearts are so overwhelming at times. They are strong inside of us. Our emotions threaten to overtake us at times with any number of things...depression, grief, desire, fear... And, outside of us there are threats as well. There is someone who lies in wait for us to “listen to our heart”. What easy targets we are when we turn our eyes away from Truth and look at what we feel or want instead. And, he rejoices to trip up anyone he can. So, the solution? Something else Dee Brestin said that I find incredibly Biblical. “Stop LISTENING to your Soul and SPEAK truth to it instead!” 

Psalm 119:11
I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.

Proverbs 3:5
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.

How much heartache could we avoid in the long run if we learned how to do this? I’m not saying I think it’s easy. Our hearts are “desperate” for a reason. Augustine put it this way, “Thou hast made us for thyself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they find their rest in thee...” And, the Bible says, “He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart...” (Ecc 3:11) Wonder why we feel things so deeply? Because, there is a hole in every human heart that is the very breadth of eternity! It was meant to be filled by God Himself! So, is the depth of our emptiness and depravity when He is not in it!  And, so is the depth of our wandering feelings when we forget to look at Him. I wonder if my decisions would be so hard to make if I measured them by the truth while standing filled with the fullness of God... But, again, everything He gives us to do requires utter dependence on Him. 

Solomon

Believe it or not, I have been mulling over this subject for quite some time. I guess its a bit of a random thing for a busy mom of 4 to be contemplating, but that is how my brain works. The reason I am writing about it now is that I read an article recently on (sort of) the same subject and it didn’t sit right with me. (Here it is incase you want to check it out. Solomon article)

I just feel like Mr. Brueggmann got Solomon wrong. He was talking about King Solomon in the Bible.  And, the seeming contradiction between Solomon’s opulent lifestyle and his supposed wisdom. We know from the Bible that Solomon lived his days surrounded by every lavish and luxuriant pleasure a good amount of money and monarchy could buy. Brueggmann, using Solomon’s story to talk about current political issues, says the  “wisdom” of Solomon is better translated as “ listening heart”. Somehow this helps him make more sense of Solomon's story. I’m not entirely sure about the validity of that particular interpretation. But, I should say that my ideas about the “wisdom” of Solomon were made by taking that word at face value. Maybe I am about to get him wrong too. Who knows. He is a conundrum for sure. But, I thought I would put my theory out there anyway. It is mostly based on the book of Ecclesiastes (one of my favorites) which is supposed to have been written by the great king himself. I think it's a book that cannot be overlooked by anyone hoping to understand Solomon. The background story, for those who don’t know it, is found in 1 Kings 3:5-15. This is where God appears to Solomon and tells him to ask for whatever he wants. Solomon asks God for wisdom and God is so pleased that He gives it to him - along with wealth and a great many other things. 1Kings 4:29 says, “God gave Solomon wisdom and very great insight, and a breadth of understanding as measureless as the sand on the seashore.” The problem is, Solomon eventually accumulates so much stuff, servants, wives, concubines, children, animals etc. that he comes across as more of a spoiled brat than a man of great wisdom. 

How does it all mesh? My theory is that Solomon was given two kinds of wisdom. One was given to him more immediately and it was what I will call a more “practical” wisdom. He made good judgement calls in disputes between people, he had the intelligence to multiply his wealth and the wealth of his kingdom, administrative and managerial skills... All of this gave him the ability to acquire anything and everything. There was no experience he could not have and nothing he could not buy. 

The second kind of wisdom is the kind I think he had to spend a life time learning. It was the wisdom that taught him to say, “Everything is meaningless...utterly meaningless.” (Ecc 1:2) What better way to learn that there is nothing of value on this Earth, and no worthwhile wisdom apart from God, than to have everything handed to you to investigate? In Ecclesiastes, Solomon goes through the list of all the things he has pursued and gained and looked into: pleasure, beautiful homes filled with all the best things, people, silver, gold, sex, hard work... And, in the end, he is full of sorrow. He says, 

I, the teacher, was king of Isreal, and I lived in Jerusalem. I devoted myself to search for understanding and to explore by wisdom everything being done in the world... So I worked hard to distinguish wisdom from foolishness But, now I realize that even this was like chasing the wind. For the greater my wisdom, the greater my grief. To increase knowledge only increases sorrow. (Ecc 1:12-13 &17-18)

Maybe it is that all of these things are of no lasting worth. They seem to satisfy us for a while, but in the end they are fleeting and absolutely perishable. The human appetite is insatiable. We all desperately want to be a part of something enduring and meaningful, yet we are set down on an ever changing and fragile planet where all our striving seems utterly wasted.

In 1990 a picture was taken by the Voyager 1 Space Craft as it headed out of our solar system. It’s a picture of Earth from 6 billion kilometers away. It is stunning and shocking and truthful in it’s depiction of our home - a tiny insignificant looking dot in the midst of a vast empty darkness. 

Carl Sagan saw this picture and wrote the following:

Look again at that dot. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every "superstar," every "supreme leader," every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there-on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.

Solomon says in chapter 4, verse 11, “He (God) has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.” “Eternity in the heart” is what I have come to believe is responsible for all the passion and work and grasping we do here. It is also, evidence of the fact that we were made for something bigger and more than what we can find here. Solomon didn’t need a picture of our planet from billions of miles away. He asked for wisdom and God gave it. He saw the earth as the “pale blue dot” long before Carl Sagan saw that picture. In, the end, his conclusion is, “Remember your creator.” God, who is eternal and creator is the only lasting thing in which we can find more than fleeting significance and satisfaction. I do not believe the life of Solomon was contrary to  the claims of his wisdom. Rather, his experience lends credibility to his conclusions on life. Would we take it from someone who never “had it all” that there is no satisfaction in Earthly fame or power or money? I don’t think so. 

Brussel Sprouts

I have been wanting to write this post for a long time. After dinner tonight I decided to just go ahead and get my pictures and get it done. It is actually a recipe, one that I am very passionate about. Because, you see, brussel sprouts have a bad rap. It’s sad really. They are almost universally hated by children at least, and considering the size of the brussel sprout section at the store, by most adults as well. Poor misguided souls have been steaming and boiling them for so long it’s no wonder they cause contention at the dinner table. Well, in our house it is different. Here, they are one of the favorites. But, it’s all in how you make them. And, we make them German style. It’s actually a recipe that my dad discovered and shared with me a few years ago. Its the perfect side to just about any meat dish. Dad and I like them next to beer soaked German sausages covered in caramelized onions. But, they also go nicely with just about any steak. Tonight I made them to go with country fried steak and smashed red potatoes and gravy. Oh my. It was so good. I wish you could taste it. Well, you probably believe me on the steak and potatoes, but you’ll have to take my word on the sprouts. And, please do. Just make them and see. They take about 20 minutes. 

So, first. You need a cutting board. These Brussel sprouts are chopped.

Step 1. Remove any of the top leaves that need to come off.

Step 2. Start chopping. They look like little shredded lettuce's. (Discard the ends)

Step 3. Butter - A tablespoon or 2 in a frying pan over medium high heat. Also a splash of oil. I like olive or sesame.

(You will also need a cup of chicken broth - I like to use "better than bouillon" to make mine. You can add a some white wine or beer if desired.)

Step 4.  Add the Sprouts to the hot pan and stir.

 Step 5. Season how you like - salt, pepper, garlic... Stir and watch your sprouts. When they brighten up and soak in the butter...

Step 6. Add your cup of chicken broth. Stir and let simmer till the liquid cooks almost all the way down. It takes several minutes.

Step 7. Alcohol - If you like a little kick, throw in a splash of wine or beer at the very end. It cooks down almost immediately and adds some great flavor. 

Step 8. Enjoy!! And, spread the word. Together we can stop the hate. :) These are great little veggies - and good for you too!

Movie Review

Brave  

*warning*spoilers*

I have mixed feeling about this one. Mostly good, but I think I need to see it again. Honestly, for a good part of the movie I was just totally distracted and enraptured by the awesomeness of Merida’s hair. Seriously, it’s amazing. 

The Plot -  Merida is a princess who doesn’t want to be a princess. This is a source of contention between her and her mother, the queen, who’s trying to teach her how to be a wise and proper ruler. As she gets older and her responsibilities grow, so does the relational struggle. Though they obviously love each other, eventually, the rift between them reaches a point where it threatens the whole kingdom. Merida is told that she, rather unfairly, is responsible for keeping unity in the entire kingdom by marrying a champion of one of the four clans. They gather to compete for her hand in a game of archery. Merida, not wanting to sacrifice her personal freedom for the kingdom, rebells against tradition (something her mother does not understand) and competes in the game too, “for her own hand”. She obviously outdoes every suitor. This throws the whole kingdom into an even greater uproar and Merida decides the only way out now is to “change” her mother - something she does with the help of a very reluctant witch. However, the witches magic, it seems, only does bears. Merida thinks the spell she buys will change her mother’s mind about her marriage, but instead it changes her mother into a bear (as well as her brothers). Finding a way to undo everything is what finally brings them both to a place of understanding and gives them the insight to unite the tribes without sacrificing Merida in marriage to one of 3 ridiculous, though not entirely awful, suitors. 

The Bad Guy - Though, the movie features a witch and a giant crazed bear, they are not really the “bad guys”. The real foe is more the relationship issues... pride, a bad attitude, shortsightedness. It’s a good lesson, but one wonders why then the bear was so disproportionately scary. Really. He was terrifying. The kids pretty much hid their faces every time he was on the screen. : /  He represents the potential monster created when pride is allowed to break relationships. Okay, we get it. Maybe a little less nightmarish, though. I mean, this was made with and audience of kids in mind right?

The Men and Women - Okay, I totally get that this was about a mother/daughter relationship. However, do the men have to be that ridiculous? In this story, you catch on pretty quick to the idea that Merida’s massive father is the “Head” of the kingdom, but really ALL the brains and inner strength are in the women. As the men are simply large children, it’s entirely up to the women to come up with a solution to the problems in the kingdom. When it’s left to the men well, its kind of just, “give us a woman or we’ll slaughter each other.” You can tell that Elanor, the Queen loves her husband and he loves her, but she really doesn’t think much of him at all - except maybe as a barricade.  (He does bravely jump between the bear and his wife and daughter at the beginning of the film.) She despises the fact that he teaches his daughter how to use weapons, though in the end, these skills are what end up saving her. Merida seems to get the best of both of her parents. She is strong and intelligent, So, when it’s all said and done, I think it’s proven that her father did contribute something worthwhile. I guess it just irritates me whenever I see men depicted as just the “lovable idiots”. 

That said, I liked Merida. She is much more than the typical princess. Her problems are not solved by finding her prince or some other such nonsense. Her problems were solved by some good old fashioned self-reflection... Some realizing that her decisions affect other people whether she likes it or not. She learns about her own pride and selfishness, is deeply sorry and does what she can to fix the mess she made. I love that. She is the total opposite of Ariel - who finds the answers to happiness in running away from everyone that loves her to go get a man she doesn’t know at all. What a role model. ; / 

So, yea, mostly good. Some irritating things and a very too scary bear. But, I’d like to see it again. Just watch out for small children. :)


Here's a picture of what he looks like. Um yea. those are broken arrows sticking out of him.

Friday...

That's when I wrote this, but I haven't had internet access from my computer since then. I kind of wish I still didn't. Anyway,

Today was a good day. It was the kind of day that maybe doesn’t matter to anyone else, but I feel like I should write it down... for me.  It’s summer in Alaska and for us that means a crazy amount of people coming and going. Home from college, out to fish, back in for a break, out again... Our house is always open, so sometimes it feels like the cruise ships are docking at my back door. That craziness was today. Tons of people in and out, hugs and hellos and goodbyes... In the middle of all of that Charlotte and our friend Cameron cut their hair. He waited for her to do it though it was driving him nuts having it long on the boat. We now have two bags with 10 inches each on their way to Locks of Love. Charlotte is sporting a ridiculously cute bob now and looks way too old. If its possible she is even more beautiful than before. *sigh*
Anyway, after all that, I packed the babies in the car and we headed up the road to Soldotna. It was one of those days where I felt like we needed to just be... me and them. So we were. 72 miles in the car and no DVD, no radio, no ipod. Just the happy conversation of my babies. I love listening to them. Whenever they get the chance they freely unload all the knowledge they have acquired over their lifetime - or at least the last couple weeks. We talked about everything from grandmas to theology and haircuts to geography. Jacks fell asleep somewhere along the way. When we got to town we shared a basket of fried chicken and a large chocolate cookie dough blizzard at Dairy Queen. Then, we took our shopping list (the cutest list in the world because Charlotte wrote it) and we went to store. We went through the self checkout lane where Charlotte immensely enjoyed scanning the groceries herself. We had way too many things to be in self-checkout but, you know, it was more fun. Then, to Grandma’s house, which is actually unoccupied for the moment. I unpacked the car while they played with grandma’s dress up things and then we stayed up till midnight watching a very cheesy Disney movie. After they were all asleep, I took a long and hot shower. It was just one of those days. Goodness. Peace. Feels like Breathing. Of course, I like to be with them one on one too. I know thats what is recommended, but I love us all together the most. As Lola would say, “It is my favorite and my best.” :)

Success!!

I love baking.  I love watching as a half-distracted person, biting into some little thing, suddenly realizes that what they just put in their mouth is GOOD. Good, like down to your toes good. As Americans, we enjoy food in a hurry. We are addicted to it, and yet we are not connoisseurs of it. We get quick fixes to our little cravings and move on. But, I like making people stop. Obviously not everything I make is amazing. (I admit dinner tonight was Kraft mac and Cheese with hotdogs.) But, when I have the time, I will put every drop of myself into something just to give it away and watch what happens. It is priceless. A couple Christmas's ago I watched from across the room as someone stopped mid-sentence after  biting into one of my handmade caramel cream puffs. I don't think he had even paid any attention to which of the sweets on his plate he was about to pick up. But, when he tasted it, he closed his eyes and said something about maybe needing to cry before continuing his conversation. I love it. You gotta just stop and smell roses... or taste the cream puffs every now and then. One of those is worth more than a whole row of Oreos. You know? I think I got this from my mom. She is a most excellent baker. She actually just recently took the advice she has heard all her life and opened a bakery out of her home. Now she is getting paid to make food happiness for people. Maybe someday I will get to do that too. For now, all my best recipes are being stored away for "someday" or maybe just the next Christmas party.

 Anyway, I like to cook too. Maybe not as much as I like to bake, but I do like it. I have a particular affinity for Italian food because, well it's just amazing. Cannelloni, Pesto, Italian Bread.... Mmmmmm. One of my favorite Italian dishes is fettuccine alfredo. Unfortunately and frustratingly, I have always been unable to figure out the sauce... until the other day. :) I happened to be fiddling around on the website of one of my favorite chefs when I came across the solution. Up until I read what I am about to share, my Alfredo sauces have always come out disturbingly grainy. It's not that they necessarily tasted bad, but the texture just takes away from the sauce when it isn't right. And, seeing as EVERY recipe I could find said to make it the same way, I couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong. Well, the problem, apparently, is that cheese is fragile. It takes very little heat to melt it and too much heat can make it do funny things. Chocolate is the same way. A little heat and you are in creamy heaven, too much and you have crumbly burnt mush. I know there is a life metaphor in here somewhere... The trick with Alfredo is to bring your cream to temperature, take it off the heat and then add the cheese. You let the cream do the melting, not the fire. Here's how mine turned out. Too bad you can't taste it...

Incredible. I have done it like this twice now, and Good grief, it is perfect. Unfortunately, most of the recipes online will tell you to "add the cheese and cook over low heat for 10 more minutes" or some such nonsense. DON'T DO IT. Somethings in life we just don't need to let simmer. Cook what needs to be cooked and leave the rest alone. Amen?!

So, here's my recipe... Sort of - I don't really measure things.
Melt about 3tbs butter in pan over med heat, add aprox same amount of flour (optional for thickening) whisk till combined, add about 3 cups total cream and milk combined (I think I used 2ish cups of cream and a little less than 1 cup of milk), salt or garlic salt and pepper to flavor, stir constantly until simmering, remove from heat and stir in cheese. I used probably a half a cup of grated parm a little grated monterey jack and bit of smoked fontina. Pour over fettuccine and enjoy... slowly. You mathematical direction followers should be good and annoyed by now. Sorry. I'm not precise, but it was dang good. I promise. :)

hmmmm...

Yellow Grey and White

Grey Nail Polish

Making stuffed Animals for my kids

Lemonade - all varieties!

Baking

Coffee!

Diagonal Braids

Bangs!

Reading in bed

 Just some of the things I am loving right now...