I suddenly feel very... unstable.
Photographer/friend, Ken Williams took this of her a couple days ago.
Five used to seem so small. Now it feels big... too big.
Monday, August 22, 2011
Ready or Not...
Well, my baby Goose actually fell asleep before 10:00 pm. Her new backpack is crammed full of a year's worth of school supplies. Her lunch box is packed except for a sandwich I will make at some horribly early hour tomorrow. And, the semi-matching yet completely adorable outfit she picked out for her first day of school is laying out in her room. *sigh*
I suddenly feel very... unstable.
I suddenly feel very... unstable.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Today is a big day...
It's Friday and, at first, I was ready to have just another Friday, but then I remembered...
I remembered when Scott woke me up with a goodbye kiss that he was leaving for the bush today.
I remembered when Charlotte got dressed that today is the day we go meet her kindergarten teacher and see her class room for the first time. (And, tried to help her match just a little better than normal)
When we came down stairs I remembered that this Friday is the last Friday before our first official day of school... ever.
I didn't do much different. I saw the rain outside and felt the cold wood floor on my feet and decided it was going to be a cozy day. I got a fire going in our stove and filled up three bowls of cereal like I always do. And then I realized that soon, when she really understands, days like today will maybe be a disappointment. Because, I have a school age girl now, and rain on the last few days of summer means something different. It hasn't really ever mattered before. We would just spend the rainy days inside and when the nice warm days creep back into fall, as they sometimes do, we would be outside again. Now, those days will be taken by kindergarten. And, next year it will be the same for her sister.
This Friday I feel like life is about to take off... Like the busyness of life with preschoolers is all of a sudden a lazy peaceful cozy kind of busy and now we are getting to the top of the hill and its all about to to pick up speed. I have a feeling this year is going to fly. I am excited for Charlotte and I am excited about being a more grown up mommy, I'm looking forward to school plays and concerts and helping with homework... But there is a sense of loss attached to this day too. It honestly feels like a bit more loss than I expected it too. I was just sitting in my living room yesterday talking over my vanilla Americano to a dear friend about how everything we do requires a letting go of something else. I feel that today. I'm glad I feel it. I don't think I'll be one of the moms that cries when I drop her off. She's been begging to go to school since she was three. She loves being around other kids. She longs for structured learning time - something I'm not organized enough to give her consistently with 2 other kiddos and one on the way. But, for today I'm glad I feel it - the loss associated with something we have all been so excited about for so long. Yea, today is a big Friday. And, the thing that makes it just a little more sad is that Scott has to miss it.
He is flying out today at 3:00 to some place named Karluk on the backside of Kodiak to work for four days. I know he'll be back soon and then we will be in the routine we already talked about. He'll take his baby girl to school on his way to work every morning and I'll send them off with kisses and lunchbox. But, it's sad that he can't be here today... That I will call him tonight and describe her teacher and class room to him because he can't be there. That I will have to show him pictures of her on the first day of school... *sigh* These are the kind of life interruptions I could do without. He held her on his lap this morning a little longer than normal and sang the song he made up for her and it was sweet and full. And, when I came downstairs and heard the radio talk about another plane that went down in the bush I almost threw my bowl at it. I'm ready for normal again. I want to be past the first day of school and I want him safe and home again and I am so looking forward to kissing them goodbye as they leave for school at what would normally be a way too early hour for me.
Today we will wave goodbye to Scott at the airport and then we will go meet my little goose's teacher and then I think we should make cookies and maybe I should stay up late watching movies on the couch with them all. It's a good day to be surrounded by and smothered in the squirmy cuddles of 3 babies.
I remembered when Scott woke me up with a goodbye kiss that he was leaving for the bush today.
I remembered when Charlotte got dressed that today is the day we go meet her kindergarten teacher and see her class room for the first time. (And, tried to help her match just a little better than normal)
When we came down stairs I remembered that this Friday is the last Friday before our first official day of school... ever.
I didn't do much different. I saw the rain outside and felt the cold wood floor on my feet and decided it was going to be a cozy day. I got a fire going in our stove and filled up three bowls of cereal like I always do. And then I realized that soon, when she really understands, days like today will maybe be a disappointment. Because, I have a school age girl now, and rain on the last few days of summer means something different. It hasn't really ever mattered before. We would just spend the rainy days inside and when the nice warm days creep back into fall, as they sometimes do, we would be outside again. Now, those days will be taken by kindergarten. And, next year it will be the same for her sister.
This Friday I feel like life is about to take off... Like the busyness of life with preschoolers is all of a sudden a lazy peaceful cozy kind of busy and now we are getting to the top of the hill and its all about to to pick up speed. I have a feeling this year is going to fly. I am excited for Charlotte and I am excited about being a more grown up mommy, I'm looking forward to school plays and concerts and helping with homework... But there is a sense of loss attached to this day too. It honestly feels like a bit more loss than I expected it too. I was just sitting in my living room yesterday talking over my vanilla Americano to a dear friend about how everything we do requires a letting go of something else. I feel that today. I'm glad I feel it. I don't think I'll be one of the moms that cries when I drop her off. She's been begging to go to school since she was three. She loves being around other kids. She longs for structured learning time - something I'm not organized enough to give her consistently with 2 other kiddos and one on the way. But, for today I'm glad I feel it - the loss associated with something we have all been so excited about for so long. Yea, today is a big Friday. And, the thing that makes it just a little more sad is that Scott has to miss it.
He is flying out today at 3:00 to some place named Karluk on the backside of Kodiak to work for four days. I know he'll be back soon and then we will be in the routine we already talked about. He'll take his baby girl to school on his way to work every morning and I'll send them off with kisses and lunchbox. But, it's sad that he can't be here today... That I will call him tonight and describe her teacher and class room to him because he can't be there. That I will have to show him pictures of her on the first day of school... *sigh* These are the kind of life interruptions I could do without. He held her on his lap this morning a little longer than normal and sang the song he made up for her and it was sweet and full. And, when I came downstairs and heard the radio talk about another plane that went down in the bush I almost threw my bowl at it. I'm ready for normal again. I want to be past the first day of school and I want him safe and home again and I am so looking forward to kissing them goodbye as they leave for school at what would normally be a way too early hour for me.
Today we will wave goodbye to Scott at the airport and then we will go meet my little goose's teacher and then I think we should make cookies and maybe I should stay up late watching movies on the couch with them all. It's a good day to be surrounded by and smothered in the squirmy cuddles of 3 babies.
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